About Kris Cole

Kris Cole is Australia’s best-selling business author, a management consultant and a keynote speaker. She is recognised internationally as a leading authority on productivity, performance management, leadership and effective communication. You can hear Kris most Wednesdays at 4.45 Australian Central Time, chatting with Annette Marner on ABC radio 639 North and West, and most Monday afternoons around one o'clock Eastern Standard Time on radio 4GR 864, in the Darling Downs, chatting with Graham Healy. Kris has held significant management and human resources positions in the engineering, oil, food and education industries and holds a Bachelor of Science (Honours) in Industrial Psychology, a Post-Graduate Diploma in Manufacturing Technology and a Graduate Certificate in Adult Education. Kris established her consulting company, Bax Associates, more than 20 years ago. She has created and led management training programs and assisted countless businesses, government organisations and not-for-profit organisations across Australia, New Zealand and South East Asia, to maximise their workplace effectiveness and productivity. Kris has a practical approach and a clear grasp of bottom line issues. Her books highlight current trends and best practices and are known for their down-to-earth, engaging style. They offer practical ideas backed by solid knowledge, pertinent research and integration of everyday examples of how to lead, communicate, prioritise tasks and thrive in a changing work environment.

Toxic bosses Part 2

Last week we looked at how to deal with control freak bosses and hollow superstar bosses. This week, it’s wily politicians and narcissists.

Those wily politicians are easy to spot – they’re the managers who extol whatever is flavour-of-the-month in the organisation and next month when it changes, their theme song does too. Wily politicians are verbal contortionists who rush towards power like iron filings to a magnate. To the wily politician, ‘It’s all about ME’ and their sole goal is to survive and thrive – whatever it takes and whoever else suffers.

Their political skills are actually quite awesome. Wily politicians always know exactly what the prevailing mood of the people who count most in the organisation is and some of them are so good, they can even predict changes in direction.

Maybe the worst thing about working for a wily politician is that they’re only concerned with the people ‘up the ladder’, the more senior managers – certainly not the people at their own level or, heaven forbid, those below their level! This means that if you work for a wily politician, your only value is how well you can help him or her look good and how quickly you respond to the changing fads they follow (or rather, give lip-service to).

When your boss is a wily politician who delivers at least minimal results, you can benefit from being part of their team and, provided you can offer solid performance, you’ll be highly prized for making your boss look good. When your wily politician boss is a non-performer, move on as fast as you can before your reputation suffers.

Narcissistic leaders are the ones who can ‘rally the troops’ and engage people’s hearts and minds but they also have massive ego problems. They adore the sounds of their own voices and tend to dominate meetings, even when it’s with more hot air than useful information and ideas.

Because they love themselves so much, narcissists are terrible coaches and mentors, so don’t expect to learn much from a narcissist boss. They’re often emotionally isolated, distrustful of others, self-involved and unpredictable, so unless you’re quite a strong person, they can easily destroy your self-confidence.

To top it off, narcissists are usually convinced they are always right, so they’ll take reckless risks and hear only what they want to hear. In fact, they tend to surround themselves with people who always agree and pander to their egos in all sorts of other ways.

There are five secrets to working for a self-centred self-admirer like this.

  1. Zip your lips when you disagree because putting forward an alternative point of view is very career-limiting.
  2. Make sure you don’t burst their over-inflated self-image bubble.
  3. Praise them like mad.
  4. Always communicate with a narcissist boss in terms of their own best interest.
  5. Don’t worry when they take all the credit for your ideas and hard work – that’s just what they do.

Toxic bosses Part 1

If you’re a boss, you won’t want to hear this, but I’m going to tell you anyway. Second to people’s Number One complaint about their work – ‘poor communication’ – is their Number Two complaint: my boss. Yes, it’s a fair bet you are a source of angst to those you lead and manage. Sorry about that. It’s also a fair bit that your boss is something of a source of angst to you, too.

Fortunately, most bosses aren’t really all that bad, just a little bit annoying – they’re at the top of the bell curve. Many bosses are quite good – they’re at one end of the bell curve. And then there are the bosses at the other end of the bell curve – the toxic bosses. Read on of yours is a toxic boss. We’ll look at two types of bosses we’d rather not be managed by this week (control freaks and hollow superstars); two next week (wily politicians and narcissists) and two the following week (dictators and bullies).

The control freak is a perennial non-favourite, so let’s begin there. These are the bosses who believe it’s never too soon to start worrying; never too late check, re-check and check again or review all the details – yet again. The control freak’s attention to detail can be mind-numbing, especially if you aren’t detail-oriented yourself. These bosses plan every action to the finest detail and keep the panic button close at hand. They leave nothing to chance and it’s never safe to relax.

Control-freak bosses are always looking over your-shoulder – which can be irritating. It’s easy to become dependent on them because they do all your thinking for you. But that’s the easy option and probably best avoided.

To survive a control freak, you can calm their qualms by providing plenty of information, even if you think it’s overkill. Establish priorities (which sometimes isn’t easy because to many control freaks, every task is an ‘A’ priority). Stay on top of details and deadlines and gain their trust with regular progress reports so they can see you’re on top of your job. The secret is to help your control freak boss gradually come to understand that you’re dependable and produce the right results without their continual input.

Another good idea is to notice whether there’s someone the control freak gives more lee-way to and if there is, watch those people and figure out how they operate and adopt a few of their bid-for-freedom tricks.

Remember that nothing is good enough for the control freak – and that includes you. So whatever you do, don’t let the control freak to erode your self-confidence – the problem lies with your boss, not with you. However, if you can cope with it, the control freak’s zeal for perfection can teach you how to think clearly and prevent projects from going off the rails and you may shine in the reflected light of their successes.

Hollow superstars are the publicity hounds with the big reputations. They’re the smooth-talking, high profile networkers extraordinaire, the sole operators who offer no support or guidance because they’re too busy concentrating on making themselves look good, looking in the mirror and advancing their own interests.

If you work for a hollow superstar, it probably really irks you that other people – people who don’t work for them, think they’re great – ‘Gee, aren’t you lucky working for so-and-so,’ they’ll say, ‘It must be wonderful!’ But from those who know these empty superstars best, the people who work for them, there is faint praise.

That’s because those who work for them are the poor unfortunates who are left to make the Superstar’s grandiose promises work in the real world; they’re the ones left to write their fabulous speeches and stand in the shadow while the boss takes all the glory – unless, of course, the superstar’s schemes go awry, in which case, they’re quick to take a step back and push a follower forward to take the blame.

The secret to surviving working for an empty superstar is to figure out their PR plan for themselves and help make it happen. Become indispensable to the empty superstar and have a fun ride on their coat-tail – if your own pride and ego will let you do that, that is!

Two more toxic bosses and how to deal with them next week.

 

 

 

 

The imposter syndrome

Here’s a statistic that you won’t find in the Australian census: Up to 70 per cent of leaders sometimes fear they don’t really belong in a leadership role, that they’re ‘winging it’, and that they’re about to be rumbled and exposed as a fraud. Feeling like a fake is so common that these suspicions actually have a name: Impostor syndrome.

Being a leader is seldom what people expect—it’s filled with surprises, unexpected lurches forward, dismaying steps backward and struggles to live up to what you think everyone expects from you.

Decades after becoming a leader for the first time, most leader-managers recall their first months in leadership as a transformational experience. They say they felt disoriented, overwhelmed or confused—sometimes all three at once. Most new leaders think the job is too big for just one mere mortal. Many experienced leaders feel the same way.

The truth is that becoming a good leader is a journey of continuous learning and self-development that even for the most gifted, leading and managing is a demanding—although rewarding—never-ending process. Today, you need so many more, and much deeper, technical, conceptual and people skills than leaders of even 15 years ago, never mind a generation ago. But when you pay attention and work at leadership, you end up with a strong and flexible set of leadership muscles that others can draw strength from and that you can use to make a worthwhile and lasting contribution to your followers and your organisation that lasts well into the future.

Deal gracefully with change

You’ve heard it before and you’ll hear it again: Change is all around us. Society, the marketplace, the economy and technology are all transforming with dizzying speed. For instance:

  • Australia’s economy has become a service and knowledge economy, which means organisations don’t gain their value from their machinery and equipment but from their people. Organisational wealth comes from successfully storing and using knowledge to create innovative products and services and develop innovative, sustainable, value-adding and profitable systems.
  • Our definition of what a family unit is continues to change.
  • The capabilities of information, communications and bio and nano technologies (e.g. motor the size of a pinhead) continue to soar and promise to transform our lives.
  • Globalisation makes it easier for epidemics to wipe out or temporarily disable a significant portion of our population and wipe out all or part of an organisation’s supply chain.

And that’s just a sample of what’s going on around us. The world is changing so fast that standing still doesn’t exist – we’re either moving forward and making progress or we’re going backward. In fact, the speed of change is speeding up, and right now is the slowest we’ll ever experience it.

To survive, never mind thrive, we all need to stay on top of the game and better still, stay one step ahead. We all need keep up to date with trends so we can more easily adapt as everything around us changes. Perhaps more than anything, we need to keep learning – about the area and industry we work in, about the technology we use, and about new ways of doing things.

How to deal with personality ‘issues’

The other day, a friend rang wanting to chat through an ‘issue’ she has with one of her team members. ‘I try not to let it’, she said, ‘but her constant, slow shuffle to the cafe bar gets on my nerves. She doesn’t have much to say for herself, either, and I’m the sort of team leader who likes to chat things through. Maybe it’s a generation thing; she’s a bit older than me and I’ve read that older workers aren’t as ‘teamy’ and ‘chatty’ as people my age. She’s hard to manage; it’s a personality thing, I guess.’
So I asked what her work quality was like and it seems it’s fine. She meets all her targets and the others in the team seem to like and respect her. In fact, they often go to her for advice and help when they need it.
That answer brought me to my next question: How would – let’s call her ‘Jane’ – describe this behaviour of hers, the trips to the cafe bar and her quietness? That’s always a good question to ask because it’s unlikely people describe their behaviour in the same way you do, and the answer always puts another slant on the issue.
And the third question: Is the issue worth making a song and dance over? My friend decided it wasn’t.
In summary, here are the first three questions to ask yourself when someone irritates you:
1. How is their work?
2. How would they describe their behaviour?
3. Is it worth addressing?
And when you’re ready, here’s the fourth question:
4. Is this annoying behaviour telling you something about yourself?
This question helps you look into your mental mirror. What we ‘see’ in others (or think we see) is often a reflection of ourselves. As someone once told me, when you ‘point the finger’ at someone, there’s another three fingers pointing back at you. Psychologists call this projection. We do it whenever we attach a characteristic to another person that really belongs to us.
These might be qualities we don’t want to own up to, negative things, like ‘He’s selfish’, or ‘She’s inconsiderate’. Rather than acknowledge we are like this ourselves, it’s easier on the ego to point the finger at someone else.
(We can project our own positive qualities onto other people too. Perhaps we don’t want to boast about them or more likely, we don’t even realise we have them. So we shift them over to someone else.)
Well, my friend drinks tea, not coffee, and likes to chat, so no, ‘Jane’ wasn’t reminding her of something about herself she didn’t like. Ah, but come to think about it …
Long story short, ‘Jane’ reminded my friend about someone in her past that she didn’t like at all, a ‘horrible’ aunt who was really mean to her when she was a child. That was what was causing the ‘issue’. My friend was sorely tempted to deal with ‘Jane’ the way she would have liked to have dealt with her nasty aunt. Once my friend realised that, the ‘issue’ evaporated.
The next time you seem to have a personality clash of some sort, think about whether your description of the other person says more about yourself or someone else in your life, than it says about them.
These are four powerful questions to work through when one of your team members or a colleague annoys you and you need to decide whether the ‘issue’ is worth addressing.

Do you kaizen?

Kaizen: A new religion? Speed dating?  An extreme sport? No. Kaizen is a Japanese word that means ‘continuous, incremental improvement’. It’s about doing lots of things just that little bit better. This is smart, because it’s a lot cheaper, easier and faster (and still very effective) to do 100 things one per cent better than one thing 100 per cent better.

Here are four ways you can kaizen:

  • Regularly review your performance. Whenever you do something, especially something you do a lot or something that’s important to do well, get in the habit of reviewing what you’ve done and how you’ve done it to see what you can learn from it. Whether you’ve done it well, poorly or in between, think it through. What exactly did you do? What were the results – How well did it work? What can you conclude from that? How can you use that information to do it even better the next time?
  • Take responsibility for making the changes in yourself or your surroundings that will help you do things better, cheaper, faster or smarter, or more easily, reliably or safely.
  • Watch how others do things to see what you can learn or adapt from them.
  • Think creatively and innovatively.  There is probably a better way and a different way to get the same result or a better result. But you need to search for it.

Here are some great questions to ask to help you kaizen:

  • How can I do this BETTER?
  • How can I do this EASIER?
  • How can I do this FASTER?
  • How can I do this MORE ECONOMICALLY?
  • How can I do this MORE SUSTAINABLY?
  • How can I do this MORE SAFELY?
  • How can I do this MORE RELIABLY?
  • HOW ELSE can I do this?

Give people ‘the finger’

We all like to think we’re in charge of our own behaviour but that isn’t always the case. The reason is – our brain. Our brain is filled with specialised circuits that do all sorts of things for us. Some of those circuits are called ‘mirror circuits’. The job of mirror circuits is called ‘interpersonal limbic regulation’ and they prompt us to respond to other people’s emotions and behaviour in kind. These mirror circuits are located in the limbic cortex, our ‘Caveman Brain’.

Some mirror circuits give us empathy for others – we see someone looking sad and our mirror circuits fire off sadness, so we sort of know how they feel. Or we see someone laughing and happy and we smile and feel happy, too.

Our mirror circuits fire off when someone treats us kindly, too. We want to return that kindness. That’s why being nice spreads around to others, like dropping a little pebble in a puddle – the ripples spread.

And here’s the rub. Our mirror circuits fire off when someone is rude, too. Here’s an example. I don’t know about the drivers where you live but I do know about the drivers in Adelaide. Lots of them are pretty rude. For instance, when you pull over to let someone through on a narrow street or in a car park, 49 out of 50 of them don’t lift a finger to say ‘Thank you’.

On Kangaroo Island, on the other hand, every driver lifts a finger to say ‘Hello’ to everyone they pass, never mind to say ‘Thank you’. So when you drive around Kangaroo Island, it only takes a couple of cars going by and lifting the ‘Hello’ finger before you’re lifting the ‘Hello’ finger too. Mirror circuits. People are friendly and you want to be friendly back.

And in Adelaide, when you’ve pulled over to let another driver through and you don’t get the finger-lift ‘Thank you’, the temptation is after one or two times, not to do the finger-lift ‘Thank you’ to the next driver who pulls over for you. That’s the temptation, thanks to those mirror circuits in our Caveman Brain.

Now of course, you know what’s coming, don’t you. Sometimes, we need to over-ride those mirror circuits so that other people don’t dictate our behaviour when that behaviour is rude or anti-social in some other way. We want to use our ‘Thinking Brain’ to tell our ‘Caveman Brain’ to pull its head in, so to speak. That way, we can be pleasant and polite even when someone else isn’t.

And to my mind, that makes for a better place to live, to shop, to drive and to work. Because giving people ‘the finger’ is catching. So give people the ‘Thank you’ finger and the ‘Hello’ finger every chance you have. Niceness is catching and we all want to live and work in a nice place.