Words that speak

A few weeks ago, we looked at how much we reveal about ourselves through our unspoken messages. But that is not to say words aren’t important. They are. They’re really important. A poor choice of words can instantly switch people off and lose you their goodwill – or gain it. Your words can instantly irritate or create cooperation, help or hinder, confuse or clarify. You can choose words that are forceful or accommodating, impartial or emotive, clear or vague, courteous or challenging, depending on your purpose.
Whatever your purpose, you probably want to choose clear, positive and powerful words.
· Clear positive and powerful because the way you talk colours the way you think and the way you think shapes the way you act.
  • Clear positive and powerful because the way you talk influences the way others see you.
  •  Clear positive and powerful because they make what you say understandable, unambiguous and persuasive.
  • Clear positive and powerful because they can set a constructive tone to a conversation.
Choosing clear words isn’t as easy as it might sound. The 500 most commonly used English words have an average of 28 meanings each, which in part accounts for people understanding something quite different from what we mean. At any rate, clear words don’t include double-speak and they generally don’t include jargon (unless you’re talking to an expert, in which case, jargon can be very clear and precise).
Clear words are usually descriptive and specific; so rather than say you’ll send something, you can say you’ll post it, air mail it, courier it or scan and email it. You might want to say when you plan to do this, too. Or in a service situation, you might instruct staff not to ‘be polite to customers’ but to ‘make customers feel like special guests in our home’.
Positive words: here’s what we don’t want to hear:
  • You’ll have to fill out the form and send it back.
  • I can’t do that until Monday.
  • Don’t do that.
Negative gets people’s backs up. Positive brings a smile to their face:
  • You’ll want to fill out the form and send it back so that I can … for you.
  • I can do that on Monday for you.
  • Try it this way.
Much better, right?
Powerful words are strong. We know a strong word when we hear it and we know a weak word, too.
  • I may be able to do that.
  • It might work.
  • I’ll try to get to that soon.
  • I’ll see what I can do.
We lose all faith in speakers of weak words and we know they don’t even begin to mean what they say. Powerful words sink in and give you credibility.
So clear, positive and powerful words are the way to go. They’ll get you a lot more of what you want.
And here’s some icing for your cake: Choose words that the other person uses.
Using similar types of words and expressions that the person you’re speaking with uses makes your words hit home even more . These might be formal or informal, correct or colloquial. Use technical terms or long words when that’s what your conversational partner uses, or everyday terms or short words when these are more in harmony.
This works because people have a characteristic way of speaking, called an idiolect. They arrange words in certain ways and use certain styles of words and expressions. Harmonising your words with theirs puts you in synch because and makes it easier for people to understand you. Your message gets through loud and clear.
Choosing the right word and the right combination of words is essential, so choose your words with care.

Staying motivated yourself

It’s hard to ask your team to be motivated when you’re not. Whether it’s to do a task you dislike or start a conversation you’re not looking forward to, or you just need ‘energising’, leader-managers need to be able to motivate themselves in order to set the pace for others.

You need three things to be motivated:

  1. the desire to reach a worthwhile goal
  2. the commitment to put in the effort
  3. the self-confidence to take action.

Desire
Large or small, you need a clear goal to hold in your mind’s eye. How will you, and perhaps others too, benefit when you achieve it? Here are some questions to ask yourself to help you locate your desire when you’re lacking motivation:

  • What positive outcome results from accomplishing this?
  • What good things result from doing this?
  • What happens if I don’t do it?
  • Why is it important that I do this?

When you’re searching for the motivation to tackle a task you dislike, try listing the major push factors (sticks) associated with the task. How can you turn them into pull factors (carrots)? Try changing your language: Instead of saying ‘I have to do this (groan)’, try saying ‘I want to do this because …’ Having to do something usually leads to half-hearted attempts while wanting to do something produces whole-hearted efforts and a better result. (Even this works, lame as it is: ‘I want to do this to get it out of the way and off my desk.’

Commitment
Are you committed enough to willingly put in the time and effort required to achieve your goal and to forgo something else in order to achieve it? For example, part-time study while working at a full-time job takes a lot of commitment. You may need to pass up many enjoyable personal, family and social activities in order to study or attend classes. How willing are you to put off short-term pleasures for long-term rewards?

Try mentally projecting yourself into the future and seeing yourself achieving your goal. Feel your success. Savour it. When your goal is a big one, break it down into a series of interim goals, or set dates and jot down a simple plan to get you moving.

Think about what might be stopping you from making a start or continuing to work towards your goal. What can you do to remove those barriers? For instance, it can be difficult to study in a noisy environment. What could you do to make it quieter? Could you study in a different environment, one more conducive to thought and concentration, or put on some headphones to deaden the noise and distractions around you?

Self-confidence
As you probably know, you need a reasonable expectation of success before you can attempt anything wholeheartedly. Do you believe you can achieve your goal? Do you have the skills? Do you need to organise any help or support? Think about your self-talk. When you’re giving yourself limiting, negative message that you can’t succeed, change them. The most important voice you’ll ever hear is your own.

 

Paint the picture

‘I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth.’ (John Kennedy)

‘A computer on every desk in every home.’ (Bill Gates)

Every leader-manager, at every level, needs a clear vision, a picture of how we are when we’re doing our best work. You can’t avoid it if you want to engage your team.

Vision literally means ‘seeing’ and the best visions help people ‘see’ the ultimate results of their efforts.

Here you are, leading a team of toy makers. Which vision should you offer them:

  1. Our toys make wide-eyed kids laugh and proud parents smile.
  2. Our toys are enjoyed by all our customers.

Research found, not surprisingly, that vision number 1 encouraged significantly better performance.

When I lead meetings of leader-managers to develop a vision, I ask them to think of a day when every operation and every team is working optimally. Absolute perfection. A dream come true. Then I ask them to describe that day in these terms:

  • What am I seeing?
  • What am I hearing?
  • What am I doing?
  • What am I thinking?
  • What am I saying?

They write it down and then share it with the others. Then we capture the key themes and develop a joint vision. The resulting visions are invariably amazing and they all paint a clear picture that can bring employees fully on board.

What is your clear, image-based vision that you use to bring people fully on board?

Six hot tips to balance your life

Whether you’re into work-life balance or work-life blending, here are six ways to help you achieve it.

  1. Have a purpose. What do you from life?You probably plan your holidays and even trips to the supermarket, so why not take the time to plan the most important event of all – your own life? A friend of mine spends every New Year’s Day at the beach with a pencil and notepad, updating her life plan. She writes all the words and phrases that describe her or that she would like to describe her. Then she selects themes and turns them into goals about the kind of person she wants to be and what she wants to achieve. And believe me, she achieves a lot and still manages to lead a well-balanced life.
  2. Work to your strengths.How do you like to learn and reach decisions? Are you a reader or a listener? Or maybe you prefer to talk it through or mull it over?
    What are your natural skills and inclinations? Numbers? Logical thinking? Coming up with great ideas? Seeing the big picture? Seeing the details?
    Are you a people person or a ‘Let’s get down to brass tacks’ person?Everyone has strengths. If you don’t know what yours are, ask a few people or monitor yourself and notice where and when you feel most comfortable, confident and competent. Once you know where your skills lie, you can concentrate on them and develop them further.
  3. Sort out your surroundings.Like strengths, we all have our own work style. What’s yours? Do you work best in a pressure-cooker or a stress-free environment?
    A structured or a flexible environment?
    With others or alone? If you like to work with others, in what relationship – a close-knit, mutually interdependent team, near people but as individual contributors, as a leader, as a follower?Once you know how you work best, you can seek out those situations and make your surroundings work for you.
  4. Concentrate on what’s important.My father used to say ‘If a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well.’ But perfectionism can be a stressful struggle. Here’s what I think: Only jobs worth doing are worth doing well. Jobs that add value to your life by moving you further along the road to reaching your purpose are definitely worth doing well. Jobs that add value to your work role or your work team are worth doing well. They’re the ones to put your energy and effort into. The others – those that aren’t worthwhile – you can dump or delegate.
  5. Make some ‘Me Time’.It might be the gym, doing a jigsaw, going for a walk – whatever it is that clears your mind and makes you feel alive. Plan those activities into your day.Snatch little opportunities for Me Time, too. I used to work with a woman who closed her eyes for 15 minutes during her lunch break, not to sleep but to ‘chill’. The point is to take time out so you don’t burn out.
  6. Dump the grumps.Some people bring joy whenever they go while others bring joy whenever they go. Who do you bring joy to? Hopefully it’s people who line up with your purpose and are important to you.And who are the people who bring you joy whenever they go? They’re the ones to dump. Complainers, negative people in general, sap your energy,  block your fun and leave you unbalanced.